Friday, January 14, 2011

还要想一想

读了施乐遥从The Wall Street Journal(WSJ.com)转载的文章,禁不住冒起一些想说的话。可是思路很乱,需要整理,不知不觉耗了些时日。然而还是觉得没想好,不敢下笔。

刚刚玫瑰又转载了龙应台的文章《幼稚园大学》,让我想起之前贴过林奕华的相关文字

这两篇或两个专业人士、妈妈精英的立场,看似敌对。

(WSJ.com)First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.

Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

而龙女士的文章:我愛惜我的學生;像努力迎取陽光的黃色向日葵,他們聰慧、純潔、奮發,對老師尤其一片真情。但是,他們也是典型的中國學生:缺乏獨立自主的個性,盲目地服從權威,更嚴重的,他們沒有——完全沒有——獨立思考的能力。

在生活上,教育者採取懷裏“抱著走”的方式;在課業上,許多教書的人就有用鞭子“趕著走”的態度。就上課點名這件小事來說。以學生出席與否作為評分標準的老師很多,他們的論點是:學生都有惰性,今天我逼你讀書,日後你會感謝我。

一方面,學生懦弱畏縮,成績有了失誤,不敢去找老師求證或討論。教授解錯了題目,不敢指出錯誤,大家混混過去。對課程安排不滿,不敢提出異議。不願意被強 迫住宿,卻又不敢到訓導處去陳情。私底下批評無 能的 老師、社團的限制、課外活動的規則,或宿舍管理方式,可是又不敢光明正大地對當事機構表達意見。偶爾有人把批評寫成文章,要在校刊上發表——“不必試,會 被壓下來!”學生很肯定地說,“反正沒有用,我畢了業就到美國去!”

最好是仔细读过原文,会发现有几点值得思考的问题。龙女士写这文章时处在台湾,面对升学主义制度长大的学生。Amy 女士身在美国,有不可漠视的少年犯罪、早孕、嗑药、酗酒等环境。

而我们呢?我们在哪里?升学主义的压力并不简单,罪犯也正低年龄化。Amy是一个负责任的母亲,龙女士更是一个负责任的老师,自己也有育儿的经验。另外很重要的分歧是,Amy讲的是未成年的女儿,龙女士说的是大学生(应该算成年了咯?)。一个前一个后,不可相提并论。可是操纵式的管教几乎造成唯命是从,乖死了的孩子或学生。棒下出孝子嘛。。。噢,不?

这是很有趣的拉扯,换到我们本身,曾经或将如何做?读读WSJ。com文章后的评论,更是鸡犬不宁,公婆都有理,有趣得不得了。早先我看的时候不过近一千帖,现在已经过五千帖了。

4 comments:

  1. 我看了《麦田捕手》的简洁版,果然是个会迷着一代代人去看的书。外国学生幸福,小学看《苏菲的世界》,中学看《麦田捕手》,什么思想都扎根在脑袋里了。

    我也不愿长大嘞,怎么办?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uncle colour:well, get a ticket to neverland.
    票找到了,我送你一双小飞侠的靴。你修得正道了,回送我一把可以飞的粉。

    ReplyDelete
  3. 我就曾经亲眼看过一个妈妈教训她还读小学的女儿说:“发什么呆?这么小有什么好忧愁发呆的!”
    她的女儿当时应该只是发了几秒钟的呆而已。

    所以说华人妈妈真的是这样子的。

    现在很多新一代的父母都仿效西方国家父母的教育方式,结果是孩子变得目中无人,总是把人权挂在嘴上。

    我没有孩子,如果哪天有了孩子,我不知道自己会如何管教他们。

    ReplyDelete
  4. 我本身发现,都是流动的,当一种方式走到极端的时候,相反的方式就会被提倡了,反之依然。所以,没有说得准的方法。如何管教你自己的小朋友,最重要,是看小朋友的脾性的特质。可能他可以被外人雕琢,可能他要自己崩裂,才会烧成型。

    ReplyDelete

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